Now or Never

i'm starting over again. january has come and gone, and a new january is about to be upon us. i'm as frustrated as i think i can possibly be, but i need to pick up my shattered pride and confidence, and get back on track. i'm going to start blogging every single day about what i eat, my exercise, if i drank all of my water, and ate all of my fruits/veggies.... even if it kills me. if i'm not accountable to any readers, at least i am accountable to myself by writing, and actually seeing how i have done throughout the day. i have also had a conversation with my husband that if i don't have 50lbs. gone by december (with really trying my butt off, and putting in a full effort.... not just a half kind of job, i have to actually make an effort) then i am going to go see a doctor about doing something out of my own power to help me. so, it's now or never, do or die. i am going to do this one way or another. i would like to do it by myself, but it's nice to know i have other options to help me if need be. we'll see how it goes. a lot of prayer is being said on my end, and hopefully my family's end, too, about me being successful in this endeavor. i don't want my daughter to grow up and have the same issues i do, so i need to do this because she's going to start understanding things in the next year or so about mommy's eating and exercise habits.